My Phone Conversation

I love Wednesday's. I don't have to work at the library, so I get to spend the day wearing my "Mommy" hat. I try to keep things to a dull roar, but usually that doesn't work. This past Wednesday was going to be a good one - my plan was to get up, have breakfast with Molly and Katie, dunk the girls in the tub, pick up and vacuum, gather our stuff and leave the house around noon to get to my parents so that I could help set tables and decorate for Thanksgiving - we had family dinner for 16 to prepare. I love this time of the year!!!!!

The girls are early risers. They are usually up around 7:00 or 7:30, almost like clockwork. Their little bladders are like alarm clocks. So, they were up with an agenda of their own. They wanted to have computer time. They wanted to play. They wanted to watch High School Musical (which I always get sucked in to.....the songs are very catchy :-) All this turned into a small arena of WWF in our living room because my girls CANNOT go more than 1/2 hour without breaking out with the wrestling moves. All this chaos, and we haven't had breakfast, baths or even coffee at this point. As the clock ticked away, I could see that my "plan" wasn't going to see the light of day. So, I worked hard on adjusting my list (and my attitude because my patience was wearing thin) and decided that we wouldn't do baths. I was working on trying to fill out and address 8 invitations as a favor to my mom. Simple enough. Fast forward to 11:30. We're still in our p.j.'s, the invites are still not finished, no laundry complete, and the only thing that I've been able to pick up is all the toys that the girls have brought out. My frustration level was rising, as was my blood pressure.

My cell phone rang and I saw that it was a friend that I hadn't talked to in a while. She was going in to the library and she was wondering if I was there (at this point, I was almost wishing that I was!!!) By the end of our conversation, she was walking out of the library. As she was trying to leave the parking lot, she was having problems because there was a mother that was leaving with her kids. Now, this friend that I was talking to is one of the most intelligent women I know. She's got a heart of gold, she's the kind of friend that would, without question, go to the ends of the earth for you. She's priceless. And, I know that if she reads this blog, she'll see my love even through these words. But, what she said next to me still, as I'm typing this, makes my hands sweat. "Ughh....I don't know why stay at home mom's aren't always in a good mood. They get to work in their pajamas all day!" Was it just my current situation (two daughters that were pulling on my arms as I was on the phone) or was it the bigger concept of this statement that frustrated me??? We talked back and forth about this - she made a comment about the fact that S.A.H.M.'s didn't have to wear pantyhose to work, so they should be happy. I retorted by saying that I never could have understood the plight of a S.A.H.M. until I had kids. I was almost dizzy with frustration (over the comments and my daughters, who at this point have managed to take my blood pressure to the point of no return) so I finally asked my friend if she had just called me to argue with me. We ended our conversation and I moved on with my day. Although, I couldn't shake the __________ (I can't figure out what word I want to put here because it was a whirlwind of emotions and feelings) that our conversation had left me with. It got me thinkin'....

When I think of S.A.H.M.'s, I think of two amazing women in particular. My college roommate Heidi is raising 4 daughters and loving every second of it. I have never met someone who is more enthusiastic about being a mother and wife. This woman gets up at 5am to work out because there is not a second of her day when her girls are awake that is not dedicated to them. Her husband (also a college friend) travels for work, so many times she is running her household on solo. Luckily, Heidi lives by her parents, so they're able to help when needed. But, knowing Heidi, she doesn't look for help that often. 4 daughters. Can you even imagine? I can barely handle two and she has double that!!! Heidi Lee - you inspire me! You are raising 4 girls that are going to be happy and healthy in their relationships, their lives and they will always have fond memories of their mom being home with them. I know that you don't stay in your p.j.'s all day long :-)

The second person I think of is my friend Peg. This woman - she has two daughters and as if that's not enough, she takes care of two different kids on various days of the week. I recently teased Peg because she told me her secret - she drinks about 12 cups of coffee everyday. It was almost like seeing the man behind the curtain in The Wizard of Oz...once I knew how the machine worked, it was less exciting. (TOTALLY JOKING!) I have never met a more creative and intuitive mother. Peg is like the McGyver of mothers. You give her 3 objects and she'll make something so amazing, it will blow your mind. Her house is always spotless (although she would argue this), her calendar is always full (trust me...I can't get a play date with her :-), and her girls are AMAZING and my daughters love and adore them. Peg - you are an amazing mother and I've told you before, I stand in awe of you. Thanks for helping me raise my girls - your advice and tips have been priceless.

Before I had kids, I dreamed of being a S.A.H.M. Now, I honestly don't think I could do it. I don't love my daughters any less than Heidi or Peg love their daughters. I just don't have the patience or strength to do it. The world of S.A.H.M.'s get a terrible wrap. My friend's comment on our phone conversation sums it up. People honestly think that S.A.H.M.'s have nothing better to do than play with their kids, watch TV, and make fabulous meals. We've all heard comparisons before - I've seen TV commercials, read it in books, heard it on the radio - about how mom's are like C.E.O.'s that run companies. They are like accountants because they have to manage the bills. Blah, blah, blah. Women (and I'm considering myself one of these women) that work don't have it harder than S.A.H.M.'s (my phone friends said that she thinks I have it more difficult because I work AND try to raise a family). S.A.H.M.'s have THE hardest job in the world. Hands down. There are many parallels to working moms and S.A.H.M.'s. There are just as many car pools and school projects and sick days. But, working moms (again, that's me) can walk away from people at the end of the day. S.A.H.M.'s can't. I may be tired at the end of the day, but I get to go home and see my girls and love on them and let them refresh me. At the end of Heidi and Peg's days, there's no escape. They don't get to take a break. And that's what amazes me about them. I know that if I called them at the end of the day, they may be worn out, but they will have had an AMAZING day with their kids. And, the decisions that I make during the day are NOTHING compared to what a S.A.H.M. makes. Everything that they say, every move they make will play in to the development of their children. What I do during the day effects others, but, I'm not here to raise my co-workers.......they're someone else's problem. But, for a S.A.H.M., there's never a moment that a reaction or a comment can just be flippant. When Peg and Heidi and every other S.A.H.M. wake up in the morning, they're in the spotlight.

The argument that I hear already is that they make that choice to stay home. And yes, they do. But, at some point, the stereotype of the S.A.H.M. has got to stop. I'm not going to act that my job is more important than a S.A.H.M's. No job is. And, the other key to this is that if you don't have kids, you cannot even speak with any amount of authority on this. I never in my wildest dreams would have understood the turmoils and frustrations and worries of being a mother until I had kids. My phone friend, bless her heart, doesn't have kids. So, why do S.A.H.M.'s get such a bad wrap? Because people think that raising a kid is a snap. Easy cheesy, right? Working mom's (again, me) are in a class of their own. It's hard, what I do. There's a balancing act that is exciting, exhilarating and insane all at the same time. Why, on more than one occasion, have I been told that it's admirable what I do? Yet women like Heidi and Peg are scrutinized because they potentially can't find time in a day to take a shower and do their make-up before they step foot out of the house? Ughhhhh...it makes me sad...........

Heidi and Peg, you two are amazing examples of mothers. I admire you and appreciate you. I have an endless amount of respect for what you do everyday. I hope that you know that what you're doing will change lives. That's huge. And you know what, if you want to be in your p.j.'s all day, go ahead. I think it's hot..............